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High-Achieving Women

High-Octane Women

I've been missing in action for a while because I've been writing my book. But I am happy to announce that I finished it yesterday and it's in my editor's hand at Prometheus Books as we speak! Hopefully, it will be in the stores by the end of 2010!

I'm also happy to announce that Prometheus and I have agreed on a title. The book title is going to be High-Octane Women: How High-Achievers Can Avoid Burnout. I'm looking forward to working with my editor over the next month to get it ready for print.

Thanks for everyone who follows the blog. And I promise to be more active now that I've got the bulk of that exciting project finished.

Hope all is going well with you!

Gender Discrimination Alive and Well

Just when you think gender discrimination has sunk to the depths of hell where it belongs, it rears its ugly head. Check out this article on a law firm who questioned a female attorney's ability to "commit" to the firm because she was a new mother.

http://www.abajournal.com/weekly/article/firm_hit_over_partners_hiring_question_how_can_we_identify_new_moms_commitm

New Sites for My Articles on Stress

Many of you may have seen all or some of these articles, but I just started publishing my articles on two new websites: Associated Content and Helium. Check them out if you have a chance.

Check out my article here on the stress of achieving work/life balance on Associated Content

Helium Articles to check out:
How to Become More Productive At Work
Can Stress Hurt My Health?
Why Some People Choose Not to Write for a Living
Cost-effective Ways to Reduce Stress
How to Reduce Financial Stress
Ways to Avoid Burnout
How to Talk to Your Children about Financial Problems
Tips for Staying Positive When Laid-Off
Seven Things to Avoid When Laid-Off 

New Book on Double Standards

I wanted to write a quick note about a new book by Washington Post writer Anne Kornblut on presidential politics and why gender matters. The title is "Notes from a Cracked Ceiling: Hillary Clinto, Sarah Palin, and What It Will Take for a Woman to Win."

I've only read the Washington Post article about the book: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/12/AR2010011202768.html?wpisrc=nl_pmheadline, but it looks very interesting and I ordered the book today.

Thought you might want to at least check out the article and possibly the book.

Women Really Are Gaining Momentum

I know it seems painfully slow, and in many respects, it has been, but women really are gaining momentum. Forty years ago, women accounted for only a third of all workers in the US, and although forty years may seem like a long time to wait to go from 33.33333% to 50%, for the first time in history, women and men are equally represented in the U.S. workforce. Female business owners represent one of the fastest growing markets in this country. Madonna was numero uno on Forbes' highest earning musicians' list for 2009, and I hear Sandra Bullock has been named 2009's top-earning Hollywood star. Hillary is kicking butt as far as visibility and influence as Secretary of State in the Obama Administration. In fact, an article by Mary Jordan in yesterday's Washinton Post made reference to the "Hillary Effect" as the reason behind the unprecedented rise in female Ambassadors to the U.S. According to the article, there currently are 25 female Ambassadors posted to the U.S., the highest number in history, and a five fold increase from the late 1990s. Jordan writes, "A key reason is the increase in the number of top U.S. diplomats who are women, what some call the 'Hillary effect.'"

Of course, there's a lot of room for improvement. Female Ambassadors remain a distinct minority. And unfortunately, a lot of gender bias still exists in the world. For example, the article cites a story told by Heng Chee Chan, the Singapore Ambassador, who had dinner reservations under "Ambassador Chan." When she arrived at the restaurant to be seated, she was told, "Oh, he hasn't arrived yet." Another Ambassador, Meera Shankar from India, told Jordan, "Even when I say I am ambassador, people assume I am the spouse." Got to work on that, America!

But I thought I'd share this positive story with you, especially when so much that appears in the media is negative these days. We're making progress on the equality front, slow but sure. Let's keep it going, ladies.

Here's a link to the article:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/10/AR2010011002731.html

Enjoy!

Domestically Challenged? So What

After leaving a holiday party recently, a friend of mine commented: “Okay, how inadequate do I feel? That woman,” she said, referring to the party host, “cooked everything on that buffet, her house was spotless, there wasn’t a thing out of place, and she did it all herself. Dream on, huh?”

“Dream?” I responded. “More like a nightmare if you ask me.”

“What do you mean?” my friend asked. “Wouldn’t you like to be able to do that?”

“No,” I answered. “And neither would you. You can barely stand going to the grocery store for milk.”

My friend reflected for a moment. “I guess you’re right. It just seems like it’s something I should be able to do.”

Seems like something I should be able to do? I thought. Where in the world do we come up with these scripts?

Just because you're not "as good" at or don't enjoy domestic stuff as much as you enjoy work or other things doesn't mean you're inadequate or bad or unworthy or whatever negative word you’d like to fill in … unless, of course, you define it that way.

I, for one, have never been domestically inclined … so much so that I refer to myself as "domestically challenged" (since "retarded" is no longer a socially sensitive term). But thankfully, I have never felt guilty about it. Whenever someone makes a comment to suggest that I "should" be more domestically inclined, I simply say that my strengths lie elsewhere. In fact, I had friends over for dinner the other night and one of them needed to heat up a dip they brought over. She asked me how to work the oven and I truly had no idea. I'd never used the thing. But with a little help from my other friends who were more domestically inclined, she figured it out and we all had a good laugh over it.

A lot of successful women feel guilty, or worse, see it as a failure if they don't excel in everything they do. But that's just not true! I know a lot of exceptional women and not a single one excels in every thing they do. We all have strengths and weaknesses, but how many women kick themselves for not enjoying chewing tobacco? Or not enjoying sitting in a tree and shooting at defenseless animals? Or anything else they might not enjoy or might not be good at? My point is - who defines what you "should" be good at? YOU (and others if you allow it)!

The only woman I know of who excelled in everything she did was Superwoman. And I often have to remind my high-achieving friends, colleagues, and clients that Superwoman is a fictional character! As good as you may be at the thousand things you do, you're not Superwoman. Can't be. She's not real.

So if you’re beating yourself up because you’re not floating on air, humming a happy tune in the kitchen, like June Cleaver, let it go. There are a lot of other things to stress out about in today's world. Not being June Cleaver is not one of them. So when you're home, do what you can do. Who cares if it's perfect or not as good as what others can do or what you can do at work? Simply stated, don't define home and work using the same standards. For many successful women, the two don't compare, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy something you're not "as good" at. Give it a chance without the pressure to excel at it; just enjoy it for what it is or grin and bear it without the guilt. Most importantly, don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. Laughter is a great stress reliever if you allow yourself to use it. If you try something domestic and mess it up royally, so what? Laugh about it. At least you tried. Remember ... sometimes the journey (for example, making the pie) is more important and more enjoyable than the final destination (what it tastes like).

Enjoy Yourself

Do you ever worry that you worry too much? I know it sounds funny, but I’m serious. I never actually stopped to think about it until recently when a friend sent me an email. Some of you may have seen it before, but I never had. As far as I can tell, it was anonymously written, but the writer recalls how she was dying to finish high school, then dying to finish college, then dying to start working, then dying to marry and have children, then dying for her children to grow up so she could return to work, then she dying to retire. Then she hits you with: “And now I am dying, and suddenly I realized I forgot to live. Please don’t let this happen to you. Appreciate your current situation and enjoy each day.”

 

I wanted to put this out there, especially at this time of year, because we all spend a lot of time pushing ourselves to do more and more and more, and then worrying that we haven’t done enough. There’s nothing wrong with pushing yourself to achieve your dreams … just make sure you take the time to appreciate and enjoy what you have and what you’ve done before it’s too late. Good resolution for a New Year, isn’t it?

 

Happy holidays to all of you! Enjoy yourself.

Where have I been?

Hi everyone! Sorry about the long lapse between blogs! I wish I could say I was on an extended vacation in Europe, but the real story is actually even better! For the last couple of months, I have been writing my fingers off. Why? Because my wonderful literary agent, Grace Freedson, worked out a book deal with Prometheus Press to publish "The Dangers Lurking Above the Glass Ceiling (working title)." I'm thrilled to be working with Prometheus on this exciting new project. If all goes as planned, the book should be on book store shelves sometimes in late 2010 or early 2011. I promise to keep you posted as things develop. Now your turn. What is going on in your life?

The Place of Women on the Supreme Court: A New York Times Article

Here's the link for a NY Times interview with Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, offering her perspectives on the impact of women on the highest court as well as other feminist issues.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/12/magazine/12ginsburg-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&8au&emc=au

An Advocate for Women: New White House Advisor on Violence Against Women

New York Times Editorial on Obama's decision to appoint an advisor on violence against women. Here's the link to the story: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/01/opinion/01wed4.html?_r=1&th&emc=th

Here's an excerpt: omestic violence is a serious law enforcement and public health problem affecting as many as one in four women in this country. Yet Washington has devoted too little attention to reducing domestic violence and sexual assaults generally. We welcome President Obama’s decision to create a new post, White House adviser on violence against women, and his appointment of a seasoned advocate for victims to fill it."

Congratulations to Lynn Rosenthal, former executive director of the National Network to End Domestic Violence, for her selection!.

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