high-achievingwomen.com

I'm in Park City, Utah right now, getting ready to speak at a law conference for the Utah Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers UACDL). Last night, the organizers of the conference took me and another speaker out to dinner, and at some point, the conversation turned to one of the women at the table who was being inducted as President of UACDL (today actually). She was proud of the accomplishment as she should have be, and the other speaker and I congratulated her. As we continued talking about the achievement, the soon-to-be President mentioned that she was taking over the presidency from another woman to which the other speaker ( a woman) said, "Wow! That's great that a woman has been elected President for two years in a row." Thus far, the only people participating in the conversation were the four women at the table. The two men had remained silent until the "that's great ... two years in a row" comment. That's when one of the men said, "That's because they're both so bossy." I suspect he wanted to say "bitchy," but there was some restraint on his part because the other speaker and I were there and he wasn't as comfortable. Everyone (except me) laughed, but it killed the moment for the woman and it reminded me that there is still such a double standard in describing assertive men and women.

And this just isn't my opinion - it's consistently written about by others who study male and female interactions, perceptions, and communication styles. Men who are assertive and high-achieving are described as confident, competent, and "a strong leader." Yet, women who are assertive and high-achieving are referred to as "bitchy," "bossy," and "a control freak" among other not so positive adjectives.

The thing is that the man who said it seemed to be a really nice guy, very courteous and kind in all my interactions with him. I suspect most who say such things and think such things are. But interestingly, it's not just men who describe assertive women in negative terms, it's women as well! It makes me wonder if there ever can be true equality. Don't know ... just thinking as I sit here in very cold Park City waiting to take the podium.