High-Achieving Women

Gender Discrimination Alive and Well

2010-02-19T15:20:00Z

Just when you think gender discrimination has sunk to the depths of hell where it belongs, it rears its ugly head. Check out this article on a law firm who questioned a female attorney's ability to "commit" to the firm because she was a new mother.

http://www.abajournal.com/weekly/article/firm_hit_over_partners_hiring_question_how_can_we_identify_new_moms_commitm

New Sites for My Articles on Stress

2010-02-10T00:59:00Z

Many of you may have seen all or some of these articles, but I just started publishing my articles on two new websites: Associated Content and Helium. Check them out if you have a chance.

Check out my article here on the stress of achieving work/life balance on Associated Content

Helium Articles to check out:
How to Become More Productive At Work
Can Stress Hurt My Health?
Why Some People Choose Not to Write for a Living
Cost-effective Ways to Reduce Stress
How to Reduce Financial Stress
Ways to Avoid Burnout
How to Talk to Your Children about Financial Problems
Tips for Staying Positive When Laid-Off
Seven Things to Avoid When Laid-Off

New Book on Double Standards

2010-01-13T22:50:00Z

I wanted to write a quick note about a new book by Washington Post writer Anne Kornblut on presidential politics and why gender matters. The title is "Notes from a Cracked Ceiling: Hillary Clinto, Sarah Palin, and What It Will Take for a Woman to Win."

I've only read the Washington Post article about the book: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/12/AR2010011202768.html?wpisrc=nl_pmheadline, but it looks very interesting and I ordered the book today.

Thought you might want to at least check out the article and possibly the book.

Women Really Are Gaining Momentum

2010-01-12T21:16:00Z

I know it seems painfully slow, and in many respects, it has been, but women really are gaining momentum. Forty years ago, women accounted for only a third of all workers in the US, and although forty years may seem like a long time to wait to go from 33.33333% to 50%, for the first time in history, women and men are equally represented in the U.S. workforce. Female business owners represent one of the fastest growing markets in this country. Madonna was numero uno on Forbes' highest earning musicians' list for 2009, and I hear Sandra Bullock has been named 2009's top-earning Hollywood star. Hillary is kicking butt as far as visibility and influence as Secretary of State in the Obama Administration. In fact, an article by Mary Jordan in yesterday's Washinton Post made reference to the "Hillary Effect" as the reason behind the unprecedented rise in female Ambassadors to the U.S. According to the article, there currently are 25 female Ambassadors posted to the U.S., the highest number in history, and a five fold increase from the late 1990s. Jordan writes, "A key reason is the increase in the number of top U.S. diplomats who are women, what some call the 'Hillary effect.'"

Of course, there's a lot of room for improvement. Female Ambassadors remain a distinct minority. And unfortunately, a lot of gender bias still exists in the world. For example, the article cites a story told by Heng Chee Chan, the Singapore Ambassador, who had dinner reservations under "Ambassador Chan." When she arrived at the restaurant to be seated, she was told, "Oh, he hasn't arrived yet." Another Ambassador, Meera Shankar from India, told Jordan, "Even when I say I am ambassador, people assume I am the spouse." Got to work on that, America!

But I thought I'd share this positive story with you, especially when so much that appears in the media is negative these days. We're making progress on the equality front, slow but sure. Let's keep it going, ladies.

Here's a link to the article:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/01/10/AR2010011002731.html

Enjoy!

Domestically Challenged? So What

2009-12-28T22:17:00Z

After leaving a holiday party recently, a friend of mine commented: “Okay, how inadequate do I feel? That woman,” she said, referring to the party host, “cooked everything on that buffet, her house was spotless, there wasn’t a thing out of place, and she did it all herself. Dream on, huh?”

“Dream?” I responded. “More like a nightmare if you ask me.”

“What do you mean?” my friend asked. “Wouldn’t you like to be able to do that?”

“No,” I answered. “And neither would you. You can barely stand going to the grocery store for milk.”

My friend reflected for a moment. “I guess you’re right. It just seems like it’s something I should be able to do.”

Seems like something I should be able to do? I thought. Where in the world do we come up with these scripts?

Just because you're not "as good" at or don't enjoy domestic stuff as much as you enjoy work or other things doesn't mean you're inadequate or bad or unworthy or whatever negative word you’d like to fill in … unless, of course, you define it that way.

I, for one, have never been domestically inclined … so much so that I refer to myself as "domestically challenged" (since "retarded" is no longer a socially sensitive term). But thankfully, I have never felt guilty about it. Whenever someone makes a comment to suggest that I "should" be more domestically inclined, I simply say that my strengths lie elsewhere. In fact, I had friends over for dinner the other night and one of them needed to heat up a dip they brought over. She asked me how to work the oven and I truly had no idea. I'd never used the thing. But with a little help from my other friends who were more domestically inclined, she figured it out and we all had a good laugh over it.

A lot of successful women feel guilty, or worse, see it as a failure if they don't excel in everything they do. But that's just not true! I know a lot of exceptional women and not a single one excels in every thing they do. We all have strengths and weaknesses, but how many women kick themselves for not enjoying chewing tobacco? Or not enjoying sitting in a tree and shooting at defenseless animals? Or anything else they might not enjoy or might not be good at? My point is - who defines what you "should" be good at? YOU (and others if you allow it)!

The only woman I know of who excelled in everything she did was Superwoman. And I often have to remind my high-achieving friends, colleagues, and clients that Superwoman is a fictional character! As good as you may be at the thousand things you do, you're not Superwoman. Can't be. She's not real.

So if you’re beating yourself up because you’re not floating on air, humming a happy tune in the kitchen, like June Cleaver, let it go. There are a lot of other things to stress out about in today's world. Not being June Cleaver is not one of them. So when you're home, do what you can do. Who cares if it's perfect or not as good as what others can do or what you can do at work? Simply stated, don't define home and work using the same standards. For many successful women, the two don't compare, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy something you're not "as good" at. Give it a chance without the pressure to excel at it; just enjoy it for what it is or grin and bear it without the guilt. Most importantly, don't be afraid to laugh at yourself. Laughter is a great stress reliever if you allow yourself to use it. If you try something domestic and mess it up royally, so what? Laugh about it. At least you tried. Remember ... sometimes the journey (for example, making the pie) is more important and more enjoyable than the final destination (what it tastes like).

Enjoy Yourself

2009-12-24T20:27:42Z

Do you ever worry that you worry too much? I know it sounds funny, but I’m serious. I never actually stopped to think about it until recently when a friend sent me an email. Some of you may have seen it before, but I never had. As far as I can tell, it was anonymously written, but the writer recalls how she was dying to finish high school, then dying to finish college, then dying to start working, then dying to marry and have children, then dying for her children to grow up so she could return to work, then she dying to retire. Then she hits you with: “And now I am dying, and suddenly I realized I forgot to live. Please don’t let this happen to you. Appreciate your current situation and enjoy each day.”

I wanted to put this out there, especially at this time of year, because we all spend a lot of time pushing ourselves to do more and more and more, and then worrying that we haven’t done enough. There’s nothing wrong with pushing yourself to achieve your dreams … just make sure you take the time to appreciate and enjoy what you have and what you’ve done before it’s too late. Good resolution for a New Year, isn’t it?

Happy holidays to all of you! Enjoy yourself.

Where have I been?

2009-11-30T18:46:00Z

Hi everyone! Sorry about the long lapse between blogs! I wish I could say I was on an extended vacation in Europe, but the real story is actually even better! For the last couple of months, I have been writing my fingers off. Why? Because my wonderful literary agent, Grace Freedson, worked out a book deal with Prometheus Press to publish "The Dangers Lurking Above the Glass Ceiling (working title)." I'm thrilled to be working with Prometheus on this exciting new project. If all goes as planned, the book should be on book store shelves sometimes in late 2010 or early 2011. I promise to keep you posted as things develop. Now your turn. What is going on in your life?

The Place of Women on the Supreme Court: A New York Times Article

2009-07-08T21:13:00Z

Here's the link for a NY Times interview with Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, offering her perspectives on the impact of women on the highest court as well as other feminist issues.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/12/magazine/12ginsburg-t.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&8au&emc=au

An Advocate for Women: New White House Advisor on Violence Against Women

2009-07-01T15:50:00Z

New York Times Editorial on Obama's decision to appoint an advisor on violence against women. Here's the link to the story: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/01/opinion/01wed4.html?_r=1&th&emc=th

Here's an excerpt: omestic violence is a serious law enforcement and public health problem affecting as many as one in four women in this country. Yet Washington has devoted too little attention to reducing domestic violence and sexual assaults generally. We welcome President Obama’s decision to create a new post, White House adviser on violence against women, and his appointment of a seasoned advocate for victims to fill it."

Congratulations to Lynn Rosenthal, former executive director of the National Network to End Domestic Violence, for her selection!.

To Those Who Dream to Be a Writer

2009-06-28T13:01:00Z

I've been getting a lot of emails lately from women who identify with some of my articles at www.High-Achievingwomen.com and at www.WomenCo.com where I'm a featured writer. The emails take two forms: that either I'm living their dream of being a writer, or that their lifelong dream is to be a writer. It started me thinking ... what is a writer? Actually, the answer is quite simple ... until, of course, we complicate it, but let's stay with simple for now.

Simply (and, in my opinion, correctly) defined, a writer is someone who writes. So for those of you who dream to be a writer because it's your passion, it's what you love to do, then it's hard to imagine that you haven't already accomplished your dream. If you love to write, then chances are you have written in some way, shape, or form all of your life, and therefore, by definition, you are a writer. But of course, that's the simple definition, and as we humans are prone to do, we often complicate simple things.

Some of you ask, "How can I call myself a writer if I've never had anything published?" or "Every time I submit something to an agent or publisher, it always gets rejected." And those are good points ... as long as you understand that you changed what you're defining. Here's what I mean. When you start talking about publishing and agents and getting paid for your writing, you're no longer talking about writing. You're talking about the business of writing. Those are two very different things, and therefore have two very different definitions. Would you define a dog and a wolf exactly the same way because they're similar? I would hope not. They're very different animals.

Well, the same holds true for being a writer and being in the business of writing. These are very, very different animals, and it's important not to confuse the two simply because they look a lot alike. If you do, you're taking a very big chance of being eaten by a wolf that you've mistaken for a dog.

As someone who has spent time with both of these animals for many years and am still alive to tell about it, here's my advise to avoid being eaten by a wolf as you pursue your dream of becoming a "writer."

1) Writing is a very personal thing. If you write about what you love, then the rest will fall in place. If you write about "what's hot" or what you think will "sell" best, it's almost certain to fail.

2) Make sure you understand how you're defining your dream before you start pursuing it. If you want to be a writer, then that's very easy. Start writing. Write whenever you can catch a few free moments - before you go to bed, when you wake up, on your lunch break. It doesn't matter when you do it or how well you do it because you're writing for you.

3) There is no "good" or "bad" writing until you start judging it or you allow someone else judge it. In fact, if juding isn't a part of the picture, writing can be very stress-relieving, especially if you write just for the love of writing.

4) If you decided that your dream is not simply to be a writer, but to be in the business of writing, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that ... as long as you understand what that means. As I said above, when you''re writing to be a writer, there is no "good" or "bad" writing. However, when you submit your writing to the publishing world, that changes. You're allowing other people to judge your work (that's right, in the business of writing, it's called work), and their view of "good" and "bad" is always (yes, always) based on how many books they think they can sell or how many more readers they think they can draw in with your work. Remember, it's a business just like any other, and all businesses have to consider the bottom line. It's also one of the most competitive businesses in the world so even if you're "good" at the business of writing, you should expect to get many, many more rejections of your work than acceptances.

5) AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, there is no reason you can't pursue two dreams at one time - being a writer and being in the business. People do it all time. In fact, I've done it and I continue to do it. But know this, if you succeed in the business and your writing (or at least some of it) switches from writing to work, then all the stress of a regular job (and usually more) are going to come with that work - demanding deadlines, working with agents and/or editors who want to change what you think is already perfect, finding the time to market your work, traveling to promote your work, expectations for more great (as defined by how many people will buy it) "work" from you, etc. Hopefully, you can see how quickly what you thought was a dream can become a nightmare, and how something that once was stress-relieving can become stress-generating (if you're not prepared for it).

So to all my readers who dream to be writers ... as long as you keep the wolves in check and the dogs close to your heart, I predict you'll do just fine!

Women's Keys to Self-Empowerment - Free Teleseminar

2009-06-27T18:54:00Z

Personal safety expert Kelly Rudolph and empowerment expert Maritz Parra are hosting a free teleseminar called Women's Keys to Self-Empowerment on Emotional Self-Defense for Women on July 2nd, 2009 at 5:30 PST/8:30 EST. Topics covered will include identifying your excellence and how to nurture it with other positive women, decluttering your mind and emotions to focus on empowering yourself, and using frustration to get out of the rut and into the groove. Register for this free teleseminar at www.telewomenars.com.

Gender Bias in Playwriting: Are Women to Blame?

2009-06-24T15:46:00Z

The NY Times posted an interesting article, Rethinking Gender Bias in Theater, on gender bias in theater among female playwriters, but even more interesting is the suggestion that female artistic directors and literary managers are the ones to blame for it.

Take a look and tell me what you think.

Sotomayor Resigns from Women's Networking Group

2009-06-20T13:38:00Z

I'm going to begin by saying that I could never begin to imagine the stress and pressure associated with being a Supreme Court nominee. But with that said, COME ON!

A New York Times article announced yesterday that Sonia Sotomayor resigned from the Belizean Grove, a women's social networking group that I just blogged about a few days ago. The reason for her resignation - she didn't want it to “distract anyone" from her "qualifications and record.”

On what legitimate grounds would her membership in a women's group whose purpose is to bring influential women from profit, non-profit and social sectors together to build "long term mutually beneficial relationships in order to both take charge of their own destinies and help others to do the same'' be relevant to her qualifications and record?

Anyone who would be distracted by this, or better worded, use her membership in the group as a means to distract from her qualifications and records should flat out be called on it. In my opinion, they are the ones who should be answering questions about their biases and political agendas - not her.

And to make the situation even more distasteful, the Times reported that "Chief Justice Earl Warren belonged to the Bohemian Club," the 130 year old male version of the Belizean Grove. And you know what? I'm sure there are many other influential male figures who belong to that group. The double standard here is amazing and it's disappointing in 2009 to see this sort of thing happen.

But I also must say that frankly I'm more than a little disappointed in Sotomayor. I'm not minimizing the pressure she must be feeling right now, but if women, especially powerful women, allow this to happen, if they resign as if their involvement was wrong in some way, what message does that send to the people, like those in the Senate, who hold these double standards, and even worse, use them to further their own biased political agendas? Women like Sotomayor should take a stand, shine a bright light on these issues when they have the opportunity to do so. In fact, according to the Times, "... Ruth Bader Ginsburg belongs to the membership-only International Women's Forum. So did former Justice Sandra Day O'Connor, who defended her involvement in all-women groups during her Senate confirmation hearings in 1981."

Is it a shame that women should have to defend such memberships, memberships that help many and hurt no one? Absolutely. But it's equally a shame for someone as distinguished and influential as Sonia Sotomayor to not call it like it is and not only defend her choice to be a member, but be righteously indignant over such clearly baseless and self-serving criticisms.

I'd love to hear your thought ...

Emotional Self-Defense for Women - Teleseminar with Kelly Rudolph

2009-06-19T12:58:00Z

Last night, I co-hosted the teleseminar "Emotional Self-Defense for Women" with personal safety expert Kelly Rudolph. It was a pleasure to work with Kelly and the program was well-attended and well-received. For those who missed it, a free replay is available up through June 25th at http://www.telewomenars.com/tw1-esd.

What Are We Teaching Our Children When We Give Them What They Can't Afford on their Own?

2009-06-18T11:07:00Z

Excerpt from New York Times article, Pay for It Now? Pay for It Later?:

"The fundamental test of a mother. You want to give your child everything in the world: a warm home, plenty of food, a first-class education and your kidney, heart and lungs if she needs them. But what constitutes “need?” Too liberal an interpretation, and the next thing you know, your child is driving a Range Rover while you take the bus."

Sotomayor Defends Ties to All-Female Networking Group

2009-06-16T14:30:00Z

According to an article today in the New York Times, Judge Sotomayor is defending her membership in an all-female networking group, explaining to some senators who seem to have taken an interest in her involvement in the group that the group doesn't discriminate inappropriately against men.

The group's name is the Belizean Grove, which Sotomayor describes as "... a private organization of female professionals from the profit, nonprofit and social sectors.” According to Sotomayor, the organization doesn't discriminate on the basis of gender. She says, "Men are involved in its activities — they participate in trips, host events and speak at functions — but to the best of my knowledge, a man has never asked to be considered for membership.”

The judicial code of conduct advises judges to avoid giving the appearance of impropriety by holding “membership in any organization that practices invidious discrimination on the basis of race, sex, religion or national origin," which is likely the reason some senators are voicing an interest in her membership.

However, interestingly, in visiting the organization's website, http://www.belizeangrove.com/, I discovered that Susan Stautberg and 26 other founding members created the group after having "observed the power of the Bohemian Grove, a 130 year old elite old boys’ network of former Presidents, businessmen, military, musicians, academics, and non-profit leaders, and realizing that women didn’t have a similar organization ..." So it appears that there is an all-male counterpart to this group with highly influential men as members. Are none of its members judges?

Also according to the website, the group consists of "... a constellation of influential women who are building long-term, mutually beneficial relationships to both take charge of their own destinies and help others do the same. Members are highly accomplished leaders in a wide venue of fields, are dedicated to giving back to their communities, have a sense of humor and excitement about life and are willing to mentor and share connections. With this vision in mind, members are invited not only for their professional accomplishments but also for their generosity and compatibility. The Grove is an international nurturing network that helps women pursue more significant dreams, ambitions, purposes, transcendence, and spiritual fulfillment, while also opening up more leadership opportunities to these women of diverse backgrounds, talents, ages, and skills. The Grovers are leaders from 5 continents, from profit, non-profit and social sectors. They are heads of major government agencies, businesswomen, military officers, academics, non-profit leaders, musicians, authors, diplomats, design gurus." The group consists of approximately 115 members who meet each year for an annual retreat in Belize or another Central American destination, as well as occasionally in New York and other cities for outings for fun, bonding, learning, and networking.

Sorry folks, I'm all for equal rights on both sides of the gender equation, but come on! With the current dismal state of this country, do our senators not have anything better to do than to pick apart this woman's life and question her involvement in a all-female networking group? I would hope the answer would be they have plenty else to do, but apparently and unfortunately, that's not the case.

Please write in and tell me your thoughts.

CNN Headline News Today

2009-06-11T16:46:00Z

I'm scheduled again to appear on CNN Headlines News today to discuss the 18 year old boy with an IQ of 47 who was sentenced to 100 years in prison for sexually molesting a younger boy. The piece should run at 5:45 pm EST (unless another story breaks that trumps this one, which is what happened yesterday). Tune in if you can.

Emotional Self-Defense for Women - Free Teleseminar

2009-06-11T15:50:00Z

Personal safety expert Kelly Rudolph and I are hosting a free teleseminar called Emotional Self-Defense for Women on Thursday, June 18, 2009 at 5:30 PST/8:30 EST. Topics will include transforming stress into greater peace of mind, profiling people quickly to improve compatibility and reduce conflict, transforming communication frustration into more efficient and effective communication with friends and colleagues, and protecting yourself from emotional attacks.

Again, it's a free teleseminar so please join us if you can. To register for the seminar, go to www.telewomenars.com and you'll be given details on how to tune in. Hope to hear you there!

Recession Survival Guide for Stressed Out Moms

2009-06-11T02:22:00Z

In response to the current economy, psychotherapist and Momlogic.com parenting expert Jill Spivack created a recession survival guide to help women develop coping strategies that include how to reduce costs, minimize stress and maintain healthy relationships. Here's the link to the MSNBC.com article.

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/30930384/

Ten Ways to Streamline and Simplify Life as a Working Mom

2009-06-11T02:15:00Z

An MSNBC.com article outlining a new book, “Working Mom’s 411: How to Manage Kids, Career & Home,” by author Michelle LaRowe notes that many moms with full-time jobs are left with about 40 hours a week to get all of these things accomplished:

clean the house;
do laundry;
shop for groceries;
take care of errands, which may include paying bills and handling financial matters;
help kids with homework;
be present at kids’ activities;
spend time with partner;
spend time with friends and family members;
pursue personal interests of any kind;
and “maybe — just maybe — sneak in an hour to go to the gym or to soak in a bubble bath.”

Check out the tips offered to simplify and streamline your life. Here's the article link:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/30807563/